Today

Today I really hate myself.

I feel it coming on strong. I don't know what it is. I feel this deep connection with the disconnection. It's like other people are repulsed by me.

I wish I could fast forward life. Fast forward to where I am older, wiser, and have a sense of myself. That I don't need to second guess my actions. That I make mistakes, and am grateful for what I learn. As of right now I am alone. And I don't mean the social kind. I mean that I feel empty. I feel that the only thing that separates me from the air is my skin. I am hollow.

For now, I will continue my education in hopes of becoming a better person in the future and discovering who I want to be. In the meantime, I am haunted by those around me who are content with their social, academic, and spiritual life. I must not cry about it. It's something that is constant. I just have to realize that the next day is going to come and everything will continue. I just wish my head could be filled with more positive thoughts that would conceive time as a gift, and not a burden.